Winnie the Pooh and Piglet came on September 1 in school. Well, then, as usual, writing - ' How I Spent My Summer '. Piglet says: - Winnie, and we will write? .
Winnie the Pooh thought, and says:.
- And you, Piglet, instead of the word ' smoking ' write ' read '. Read the whole summer - it's good.
Well, they wrote this thing. Check the job Piglet, ' I woke up one morning. I read. I went to wash. I read. Before breakfast a little more revered. breakfast. Before lunch, read. lunch. something I wanted to sleep. Well, before going to sleep honored. finished reading a book. slept.
I woke up, read. Then Winnie the Pooh came. Immediately obvious - read. Well, we had gone to the balcony. We stand, we read. Then at the bottom of Eeyore comes and shouts: ' Do you have something to read? ' . '.
Former McDonald's cashier working in a pharmacy.
- Free Cash! .
- I have a pack of condoms, please.
- Here or you with me?.
One woman had three daughters. When the eldest of them was married and was going to move in with her husband, her mother asked that she wrote to her about her sex life. Two days later she received a letter, consisting of a single word: «Nescafe». My mother did not understand at first, but then stumbled in the newspaper advertising Nescafe: « Satisfaction to the last drop ...
Then the married middle daughter, and her mother asked her about the same. A week later a letter arrives: «Benson. Mom started looking in the newspaper advertisements of the cigarette. Soon she found the text: «Extra Long, King size», - and once again delighted.
Finally came the turn of the younger daughter. That just sends a letter a month, consisting of a single sentence: «British Airways». Mother finds airline advertising in the newspaper and faints, after reading the text: ...
village. A man sits in an old, ramshackle toilet and defecate. Past is a neighbor and perturbed as follows:.
Mikhailovich, you'd at least locked the door or something!.
A man in astonishment:.
- Yes - Che then take it!.
Very intelligent family. Late in the evening. 17- year-old daughter, a student returns home. In the hallway of her anxious parents meet.
The father turns to his daughter:.
- Elena, if you please explain where and why you stayed so long?.
A daughter, gathering the remnants of the will in a fist, explains:.
- Dear George and Marina A. D., and I flew buhaya.
The teacher:.
- Guys, tell me what part of my body do you like best,.
I 'll tell you who you become when you grow up.
Masha says:.
- I like your hair!.
- You'll be a hairdresser.
Nick:.
- And I - my eyes!.
- You will become an eye doctor.
- Little Johnny, what do you like?.
- Yes, I already knew that I would work on a dairy farm....
Does Santa Claus Comes to the Old New Year? .
There is a cow on the housing estate:.
- Milk, cheese, sour cream!.
Nobody pays any attention. Cow repeats again:.
- Milk, cheese, sour cream!.
Finally, in desperation:.
- Milk, cheese, sour cream! .
In stock theater Mouse, crunching, chewing movie soundtrack. Another mouse it asks:.
- A good movie?.
- In the book version was better.
Two mice crawling with discos, one says:.
- To me this afternoon, the boy cool cellar, beautiful, all in the skin.
- Hey, this is a bat!.
- Yes? .
Son - Dad:.
- Dad, guess the riddle: ' Tink Tink -, meow meow - '. dad:.
- Do not know.
- Well, this cat is going to the tram. And Guess: ' Tink Tink -, bow-wow '.
- Well, it's probably a dog rides on the tram.
- No, Dad, this is my mom came home.
- You know, my dog is very lazy!.
- What are you talking about? .
- Well as. In the past, to walk, she brought a leash, and now - the car keys!.
- Man, miss?.
- Not so much.
M) A guy walks into a public toilet.
sits on the potty.
and then distributed (D ), a voice from nowhere.
(R ) Hi.
(M ) Hello. ??.
( D) How are you?.
(M) Normal.
( D) What are you doing?.
(M) is shit.
( D) Vasya, I 'll call you later and then there full of idiot answers to my questions.
Classification of assessments of students:.
OTL - deceived by Comrade. lecturer.
CHOIR - I wanted to cheat, exposed.
DM - was able to negotiate.
Unsatisfactory - did not agree.
The husband returns home, his wife does not know where to hide her lover. At the last moment she guesses put it in the kitchen in the form of an antique statue.
- What's this? .
- I have seen and Petrov also bought. Now it is in fashion!.
We went to bed. At night, my husband got up, walked to the kitchen to make tea, sandwiches and handed ' statue '.
- Is there something you want?.
- Yeah.
- Eat, I know, when Petrov was - not a bastard did not care.
There is a girl (L ) in a short skirt, slowly walk to the razvalochku ideal guy (L). Hands in pockets.
P: Hey, baby. ( a husky voice and brash with a smile).
A: Hi.
P: Let's go around the corner, I'll barbarisok otsyplyu!.
A: Oh, praaaavda? .
A: True ( zagovorcheski winks ).
The guy pulls out a hand from his pocket, takes it to the girl and takes the corner. It stops. For a while watching the girl with eyes, lips, back in the eye. He pulls out his hand from his pocket and pulls out really Barbariska.
P: On! .
A: ( throwing him in the face Barbariska ) Suuuuuuka! .
Holmes and Watson get drunk. Watson went to the toilet. Comes back and says:.
- Strange you WC Holmes, open the door, the light is lit, you close, the light goes out.
Holmes:.
- Watson seems to me you do not care in the refrigerator.
General wakes with a hangover. The head is bursting, that yesterday was the nichrome not remember. And then he sees that his adjutant general's uniform clean oblevany.
' *** It is not convenient, then kak' - thinks and says:.
' Yesterday was, but because of the angle of a drunken lieutenant fell, hung on me and vzblevnul. So I have this bastard 15 days of arrest soldered '.
Adjutant: ...
The house lights turned off. Cpat by candlelight - it's so romantic.
It was the night Stirlitz Berlin. Suddenly the front, rear, left and right there was a deafening explosion. 'Dolby surround' - thought Stirlitz.
Anna Kournikova grabbed the bat and that there is a power hit the ball. Police came to the rescue increased drunken tennis player from the football field.
Last night, turn off the light... tomorrow, maybe... that will include a demographic policy in Russia.
- New special offer from the president of Russia: the think up ridiculous excuse for him to stay for another term - and you get a present player, pens, and a good friend!.
There are no ugly marsianok, there is not enough uranium mutagenic.
It's nice when everyone noticed that you said something smart, but when no one noticed that you said stupid - twice as nice.
And when the pretended not to notice what you said stupid - it's nice triple!.
The kid comes home and sees a note on the table from my mother:.
' My dear baby! . Tell that to the pilot that if he does not change the airport, then I have it reach the outskirts! .
Director - the young actress:.
- In the new play you play the role of an innocent girl. Do you have any experience in this regard?.
Do you want your children to grow up healthy and obedient? .
Clever learn from others' mistakes, stupid - on its own, and the Jews on the other make money!.
From the conversation blondes:.
' All Men Are goats. One said yesterday that the rich that can afford a new apartment in Moscow and persuaded to go with him. In the end it turned out that the apartment he had really let myself be, but only for one day '.
Dodgy computer during the match against Vladimir Kramnik is constantly distracted the attention of a chess player, displaying video from hotgirls. com.
In the evenings the moderators get together, drink beer, and then cling together bits and were very annoying to ban users in off-line mode.
A call from the bank:.
- Do you have in the account at the moment minus EUR 300 000.
- So what? .
- Have you had, plus 400,000 euros.
- So what? .
Pinocchio comes to Papa Carlo.
- I fell in love with Pero.
- So what.
- A hole drilled in the ass!.
- You are born in wedlock?.
- Yes, half.
- Half? .
- My father was married and the mother is not.
- Have you bought for the New Year?.
- Cognac ' Napoleon '! .
- Moldavian vermouth!.
- Phew!.
- But a natural! .
Russian wrote a letter to his American friend:.
- You know, Jack, the situation we have almost similar. Once you have bought a bungalow.
Pacific - and I broke the f.
Observations of life.
A stranger came to visit with a half liter is considered to be a friend, a relative of a liter is almost.
The original was the director of distillery. This is also necessary to manage to drink a distillery!.
In the United States suspended filming the animated series ' The Simpsons '. The fact that one of the main characters - Homer Simpson - Acting President of the United States.
Can not find a girlfriend before February 23?.
- The law of life.
Just can not fight off them before the 8th of March -Law Fosters.
In the pharmacy comes a beautiful girl in a mink coat. The pharmacist asks:.
- You want some?.
In response, she opens the coat ( under which there are no other clothes!) And says:.
- You know, I've never seen a man a month.
- Understand, I understand, here, take these eye drops.
- Apchhi.
- As I understand you.
- Gomeiwaku wo okakeshite sumimasen.
- What??! .
- Here, again, now I understand you.
Man on trial for poaching.
Judge:.
- And as you might have to hunt for common snipe, shoot a rare sandpiper zheltopyatochnogo?.
The defendant, standing with his back to the hall, leaning to the judge and a muffled voice:.
- I answer, just say - my wife is looking at me?.
Judge:.
- In the hall a lot of women - how do I know which is yours?!.
defendant:.
- That I did not know which of these waders bl'dskih zheltopyatochny.
Sex on the phone:.
- A guy like you more than 18 years?.
- Yes, Aunt.
- What is your name?.
- Anastasia.
- What a long name! . And in short it is impossible?.
- Ira.
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